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This Machine Pwns N00bs by Hank Green

Available for $15 at www.DFTBA.com and on iTunes for $9.99

After eagerly pre-ordering this album a few weeks ago, I very excitedly pulled it out of my mailbox and popped it straight into my computer this afternoon. This Machine Pwns N00bs (this title being a pun of a Woody Guthrie quote) is the Sophomore release from YouTube musician and internet celebrity, Hank Green. This geeky offering shows vast improvement over Hank’s first album, So Jokes and delivers a very diverse track list of 17 wonderfully nerdy tunes.

1. DFTBA

Sharing it’s name with the record label that Hank co-founded, this catchy track shares a bucketful of possible meanings for the acronym “DFTBA”. The song was written not only by Hank, Michael Aranda, and Stefan Chin, but by Green’s entire fan base (known as “Nerdfighters”) who sent in various drawings and ideas for what the 5, seemingly innocent, letters could stand for. These are all quite funny and some are very witty and intelligent, though there are a few that someone who is unfamiliar with Hank’s YouTube channel will not understand, these are great little lines for the hardcore fans. This track is different from most of the others on the album in that it has a hip-hop feel, which actually was made to work very well in the song. All in all, this is a very good track and was a great way to start the album. Definitely in contention for the best song on this title.

2. This isn’t Hogwarts

For someone like myself who is not a Harry Potter fan, the title of this song can instill some doubt in your mind, but do not fear. Though this song contains plenty of references that only Potter fans will understand, it is still an extremely catchy track that is quite well done. This song uses Harry Potter to point out the inadequacies and failures of the modern school system, and does so quite effectively. Instead of just being another Wrock (wizard rock) song praising the wonders of Harry Potter, Hank uses the popular franchise to make a point about an important topic, which is to be praised. And though I can’t really tell you what half of the references in this song mean, I have still found myself  uncontrollably singing it all the time.

3. Anglerfish

This extremely catchy tune uses the deep-sea dwelling Anglerfish as a metaphor for the comfort in life that comes when you experience only one thing or one emotion to the point that it becomes a natural element that you accept. There is probably some fancy psychology term that would sum up that extremely long last sentence, but that’s why I’m a writer, not a psychologist.                               While this song is very well done and catchy, it begins a trend on this album of the songs being very repetitive by using basic song writing technique, Verse-Chorus-Verse-Chorus-Verse-Chorus. While the lyrics of this song are still brilliantly written, it tends to get somewhat old when you hear the same chorus 4 times in a 1 minute and 48 second song. I downloaded this song a while back when it was released on the DFTBA Records Compilation album and it still remains a favorite of mine, even with the noted issues with repetition.

4. I Know

I truly believe that this is one of the catchiest and most brilliant songs on the album. Composed completely of just 10 words that are arranged in different ways to compose the entire song, you would think that it would quickly become repetitive and boring, but it is quite the contrary. The sheer intelligence of the varying forms that the 10 words take keep you entertained with the brilliant use of language. Lying under all of that is a great beat and musical composition that rounds out this great song. Have fun attempting to sing along to this tongue twister.

5. Mules are so Half Ass

This unique and funny song is essentially a love song to puns. The corny jokes in this track are taken straight from your collection of material you make sure not to tell anyone for fear of humiliation, but Hank just made them cool again (sorry, he made them Jokes again). While this song certainly shares the repetition issues that I mentioned before, it is just such a smart song that I really think it’s repetitive nature can be somewhat overlooked. I would have loved, however, to see the song be made longer with more puns packed inside, I think that would have really made this song even stronger as it feels a little incomplete as it is. Still, this is  a good track with a really brilliant idea behind it.

6. Scuzzy Kizoozle Curl

From hip-hop, to catchy pop style rock, to Irish folk songs? Yep, thats exactly how this album goes. In this track Hank (complete with accent) sings the story of a mythical Irish beast, Scuzzy Kizoozle Curl, the homicidal squirrel. The simple absurdity of the this song’s concept is enough to make you laugh, but Hank backs it up with great lyrics and a very catchy musical composition. Definitely a fun song that will have me looking over my shoulder if I’m ever in Ireland.

7. Protons and Neutrons

This is exactly what happens when a nerd writes a rock ballad. In this song, Hank takes a look at the microscopic world that makes up what we see every day. The writing is very smart and well done. It is very nerdy while maintaining the rock ballad feel and attitude. However the song seems to lag a little, especially near the end. I’m not sure if the song is too slow, or just needed some more instrumentation backing it up than just guitar. Even with the noted issues this is still a good song for the nerdy-moody-rocker inside all of us.

8. Dead Boy’s Girlfriend

This is the second Harry Potter track on the album but, unlike This isn’t Hogwarts, this track is very hard to make sense of if you are not a Potter fan. While the song is still enjoyable if you don’t frequent the books on wizardry, the entire point will be lost on you. So while this song might be great for it’s intended audience, I’m just not a part of that demographic.

9. Demolition Derby

This track is a bluesy visit to the count fair that was written in part on EtherPad.com by Hank’s fans. While the lyrics in this song are good (though the repetition issue rears it’s head again), the blues-style composition just doesn’t hit the mark. While I can feel what Hank was trying to do here, it just didn’t come together. A decent song, but it really could have used some revision and more polish.

10. Fathers of the Founding Fathers

Hank’s brilliance in songwriting returns on this track that serves as a big high point for the album. Taking a unique look at the topic of Fathers Day and general dad appreciation, this song is infinitely witty and aggravatingly catchy. Like most of the songs on the album, there is also a terrific music video for this song up on Hank’s YouTube Channel.

11. Ulcerative Colitis

In this colon-humor laden track Hank tells the (true) story of his battle with Ulcerative Colitis and our very flawed healthcare system in America. Since debuting this song on his Youtube Channel a while back Hank slowed the song down just slightly, which was a very good writing decision. This song is also devoid of any repetition issues as no lyrics are ever repeated, its just 2 and a half minutes of straight riffing about colon health. A very fun and funny song. I’d say it’s catchy, but thats only if you want to go around singing a song about farting and poo. Personally, I do.

12. I’m Not Edward Cullen

In this duet, Hank and a apparently unnamed female voice (I was unable to find a name anywhere on the CD) take a turn from Harry Potter to an equally beloved book-turned-film-series, Twilight. I’m not a fan of Twilight, either, but I found the track to be easy to follow as long as you know the basic concept of  the series (moody teenage vampire love). Hank and the backing music give the sound a great Kenny Rodgers kind of feel, but some of the strength is lost when the female voice comes in. Not only does the female voice lack some polish in some areas, there is also a fair amount of microphone pop (probably from her hitting the mic while singing) that could have been taken out. There is also some odd laughter and background sounds at the end of the track. While I sometimes like it when the “5′th wall” is dropped on the album and you can hear studio sounds, it just doesn’t fit on a slow track like this. The back of the digipack says that this song was recorded on Hank’s Macbook, which could explain some of these issues. Not one of my favorite songs on the album, but Twilight fans will definitely enjoy it’s concept.

13. Crime Dramas Suck

This is the second song on the album that Hank’s fans helped to write on EtherPad, and they did a very good job. From the start this track has a great rock feel and sound. Though that old pesky repetition issue shows up in the lyrics again, it is not nearly as obvious on this track as it is on some others. The song pokes fun at the ever popular television crime show genre and calls out their extreme repetition in story line. A very funny and well done song. Definitely another favorite from this album.

14. Jesus Gets Nothing for Christmas

Whether you are religious or not, this poppy track is sure to make you smile with it’s witty message and very funny lines. Though Jesus is the “reason of the season”, who buys him a Christmas present? No one, well maybe Hank Green does. This song is upbeat and Christmasy while still feeling rockish and highlighting the humor with the very effective composition. A very cool and funny track, another highlight of the album.

15. The Vegetables

Damn this song for being so amazingly catchy. If it wasn’t for the grooving beat and unique vocal filters, this song would seriously fall short. The entire song consists of just two lines that talk about the the extreme resemblance of some vegetables to a phallus… Yea. My inner child (who is definitely outward bound) giggles at this amazing truth and wonders why it wasn’t put to song sooner, but my inner writer just wonders how the hell that’s supposed to makeup a complete song. If you look at this track as more of a funny vignette than a real song, I think you’ll get it and have a good laugh. However, if you try to take this as a serious track (which I don’t think was Green’s intention with any of the songs on the album, really) then you will be pretty disappointed.

16. Nerdfighteria Island

Written by Hank’s DFTBA co-founder Alan Lastufka and Monica Carr and composed by Tom Milsom (who also provides background vocals), this song tells the tale of the Shangri-La for Nerdfighters, a mythical Nerdfighteria Island. Composed completely of references that only Hank’s fans will understand, the lyrics are catchy, smart, and just simply fun. The song is driven by a great bass line that makes you dance and groove along. While the vocals are well done, I think the background vocals could have used some more polish. A great song for Nerdfighters, and a very confusing one for the uninitiated, it stand as one of the most fun songs on the album and really makes you long for a vacation on this awesome-filled island. While you must be a Nerdfighter to fully appreciate this song, becoming one is a very fun and easy task. So why not?

17. It All Makes Sense at the End

The swan-song of the album could not be any more fitting for the task. This track speaks from the interesting and funny perspective of someone who seems to be on their death bed and is taking stock of their life. The simplicity of the music in this song really compliment the interesting, funny, and almost inspiring lyrics. While this song is one of the more serious of the album, Green worked in several funny lines that really pull the laughter from the rest of the album and combine it with the beauty of this last track for a very satisfying crescendo.

Etc.

There’s a couple of things I stumbled on with this album that I thought needed to be noted. The first being that, at least with my copy, this album is not optimized for iTunes. Meaning I had to manually import the artwork and spend time filling out the information for each of the 17 tracks when I imported the CD. While this is really just a small annoyance, it simply should not be there on an album of this quality.

While the songs on the album are pretty short, the sheer number of them (which I really don’t think is quantity over quality) makes for a decent run time of just over 41 minutes.

All in all I think this is a good and fun album that most everyone can find something in. For some people it may be better to buy the songs piecemeal on iTunes instead of the entire album, as some songs will really just be more of your cup of tea than others due to how diverse the album is. Either way, I highly suggest you check it out and support a great online artist in Hank Green!

(Thanks to Alan Lastufka, himself, for catching a few spelling mistakes, haha!)